balancingminds: (with chess and a drink)
[personal profile] balancingminds
Charles has never seen Jay this hurting before and it scares him as he thinks of Erik and his pains. While Jay recovers from his workout, he sets out the chess board, adjusting the pieces before sitting down in his chair and picking up The Once and Future King.

Reading it always helps him to feel a little more hopeful about the world and gets lost in War's world where the story is simpler.

Date: 2014-05-28 07:01 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay knocks politely, looking well scrubbed with his hair pulled back from his face. He's carrying a large hamper of food. "Hey. Wasn't sure what you felt like so I get a bit of everything." Cold meat, cheese, fresh bread and various pickles and relishes, Cornish pasties and pork pies. All his grandfather's picnic foods. And a couple of bottles of good wine.

Date: 2014-05-28 11:15 pm (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Figured it was finger food we could eat while we play." He uncorks and pours the wine, pacing a little as he sips it. His mind is still so very stormy but he's making an effort to keep his thoughts quiet.

Date: 2014-05-28 11:29 pm (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Do you know Rae Sherridon? Sunshine? She and I... we were- are, have been," he stumbles, trying to find the words, "friends."

"She... she comes from a world where vampires are the enemy. When she found out about me and Eric she... freaked." Hurtfully. "She found some pretty raw nerves." He's trying to sound detached and calm but it hurt him. Deeply. Rocking his trust in her and worse, damaging his sense of self.

Date: 2014-05-28 11:38 pm (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"She... pressured the point that I'm nothing but groceries, a pet cow to Eric. I'm aware that he doesn't feel things the same way but..." He takes a deep breath. "That shouldn't detract from the fact I enjoy his company."

He puts the glass down, aware of the fragility of it in his hand. "She implied I was nothing but a junkie being strung along." And that cut deeper still. After watching his junkie mother waste away and eventually OD, she can't have know how badly that would hurt.

Date: 2014-05-29 12:13 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"No." It's an easy answer. "Blood isn't the issue. It might be what Eric gets out of the arrangement but it isn't that big a deal for me."

Jay closes his eyes and lets the thought flow, letting Charles see what it is Jay's struggling with. It's not blood but intimacy - the pleasure of sex, the thrill of being with someone powerful, of someone being hungry for him; be it blood or contact.

Jay's painfully and starkly aware that Eric has no need for love or feelings but it doesn't change what Jay feels. And that is a deep and profound sense of loneliness. A void Eric's company in part slaves.

Date: 2014-05-29 12:29 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"I can't make her understanding." God, he can barely stand to admit it to himself, how broken and needy he is inside. It's a sign of incredible trust that he can share it with Charles.

Date: 2014-05-29 12:47 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Not really. I don't...." He really doesn't feel comfortable enough with his own loneliness and after how badly her words hurt him, he doesn't feel safe showing her that vulnerability ever again. Something he trusts only Charles with right now.

"I don't want her to keep thinking I'm just a junkie. I valued our friendship but it won't survive the way things are at the moment."

"I wish I could make her understand that I know what I'm doing. And that I'm not mindlessly suicidal." Jay has every confidence he's safe in his arrangement with Eric. He isn't worried that Eric would take things past the boundaries they've agreed on. Something Rae will never trust and she made that bloody clear to him.

Date: 2014-05-29 01:09 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"I don't know. I really don't." Jay sighs and picks up the glass again, his hand shaking just a little. He feels so fucking raw right now. Like someone has raked sharp claws across his mind. Charles' presence is soothingly welcome but Jay's not sure how much he can risk opening himself up to anyone else right now.

Date: 2014-05-29 01:17 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
A tear he would be ashamed to admit to rolls down his cheek as he sets the glass down, reaching for Charles. He anchors himself in the hug, wrapping himself in the friendship and trust he has in Charles.

It takes him a long moment to come back to himself, forcing a small smile. Thank you feels like hollow words that don't express the feeling strongly enough but he trusts that Charles can sense it anyway.

Date: 2014-05-29 01:23 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay sniffed lightly and nods his profound thanks. "Shall we play?" He needs something to focus on, something normal to do to give his heart and mind time to process all of this.

Date: 2014-05-29 01:37 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay ignores the food for now, taking his seat at the board. He plays slowly, thoughtfully, his usually brashness dampened down as he regards the game. His mind is a quiet whirl, trying to find equilibrium out of their discussion.

Date: 2014-05-29 01:45 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay chuckles as Charles took his rook. "You're still far better at this than me. How Erik with chess?" He likes hearing about Charles and Erik. Their affection was a warm light to him, even if he envied it greatly.

Date: 2014-05-29 01:51 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"No wonder you're so good." Jay makes a quick and bold move, a little more like his old self. "Playing against him has to be giving your game an edge."

Does he challenge you other ways? I don't mean to pry, I'm just curious.

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Charles Xavier

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