balancingminds: (long look)
Charles is in the infirmary reading through medical journals on neural imagery and wondering how it might be used to improve Cerebro. In the waiting area, he's taken over a table which is at the right height for him and taking notes.

Its quieter in here and he'd feel odd bringing these modern journals back home and the library upstairs has a few too many memories.
balancingminds: (worry)
Charles is quickly acquiring a headache from the worries and plans about Lecter. Since he might be of use, he's not going to leave but he's not spending the day inside.

Instead he's been walking, once around the lake, following a path or two in the forest but not too deep since it reminds him of Slenderman.

After a while, he ends up sitting by the garden watching the back door and trying to find a solid even keel before he goes back in and faces whatever new has happened.
balancingminds: (working)
Dear Agent Simmons,
I apologize for harming your cover in Milliways and scaring you. At the time, I let my emotions get the better of my intelligence. I was wrong and will do my best to avoid you in Milliways.
Sincerely,
Charles Xavier
balancingminds: (side glance)
His room is unchanged, there's a fire, two comfortable chairs, a chess set, dark woods, a bottle of Scotch and the coziness that reminds Charles of New York.

Inside he steps in to lean against a back of a chair, he's always aware of the space between his body and Erik's and even though they have now been closer than before, he knows that it might not last.

He reaches up to adjust the cravat and looks over to Erik.
balancingminds: (unsettled)
When the spell was broken, Charles went up to his room to think. He had come back to Milliways to tell Iris what happened and then this.

Loneliness is a terrible thing, and I would not wish it on you. Jean had said that and in that one conversation seen inside him in a way few ever had.

He was lonely, that was why he clung so to Raven and wouldn't let Erik go; he needed them and they needed each other. Erik was even starting to open up. And in this week, he had lived once more that life of loneliness and fear where he worried that he would chase anyone who was nice to him away because he said the wrong thing. Only two had turned from him, Noriko who only saw a strange rich boy and Autor who was scared though he acted as if he wasn't. There had been kindness and understanding, he would find ways to bring some of the openness of Milliways into his world.

With a quick breath, he stood up and went to the sink to splash some water on his face. He couldn't dwell too much on this week until he told Iris about what had happened before. The only way to move forward with the past and the present was with honesty.

Iris, how could he explain to her what he had done? Just the memory of that kiss and how Erik had reached for him made his heart beat faster. He wanted that but by that wanting, he betrayed Iris who he had brought onto a different path. The Fates had said You ask complicated questions. Now he had many going through his mind and it wasn't his place to answer, now he must speak the truth and take what followed.

It had been a kiss but more than that, it was a beginning, because Erik balanced him. She saw within him and he couldn't lie to her and wouldn't ask anything of her. He had acted without thinking and now would pay the price for it.
balancingminds: (side glance)
Charles spent the afternoon talking with Bar to try and figure out the best and selection of food for this meeting.

The end result was a table in his room, a menu recreated from something the family cook used to make of a lamb roast, vegetables, good wine and Raven's favorite dessert.

He knows he's worrying too much but he wants this all to work, the future all depends on people getting along.
balancingminds: (pensive)
After speaking with Sallie, Charles goes to find a more secluded spot and ends up finding a rock on the lake edge.

Then he closes his eyes to shut out the world and reaches out with his mind towards Iris, imagining her certainty in herself, the colors of her and her love and acceptance.

Iris, lady of the rainbows and my heart. I miss you and have been remiss in calling out to you. I didn't wish to disturb you, but you're always near to my thoughts. I worry that you are safe in the midst of the war you're a part of and that your lady understands all that you do.
balancingminds: (new york cup of tea)
Charles' tea is going cold as he stares into the fire, there's a certain peace he finds among the crowd at Milliways. Here he's never truly alone though he never hopes to be as deeply within some of the minds as he was in October.

As yet, he hasn't met many of the people who's dreams he found his way into just Sariel and there's more he wishes to say to her. Their last conversation was a beginning but she's a complex woman and he wants to proceed carefully.
balancingminds: (don't want to think)
The shadows keep moving, he has on all the lights but he can't make the shadows stop. He looks up, there was a ship and a sky, but they're gone. Is he truly awake? Lights don't mean anything, he can create lights in a dream, he looks down to find he's not dressed. Perhaps he was asleep then, that would be good. He needs to be able to sleep and then wake up once more.

Carefully he dresses, focusing on the texture of each piece of clothing so he doesn't hear all the thoughts and feel all the emotions. They're very close, people are scared and angry and something's hungry. His shirt is starched, the cloth smooth between his fingers as he buttons all but the last two buttons at his collar. Then the cuff links with the Xavier crest, he presses his finger against one of the Xs until the pressure hurts. Sweater next, soft cashmere that's light as he slips it over his head and adjusts it to fall just so. Then his jacket, heavy tweed that he bought in Dublin, a jacket for a tutor at Oxford, he traces the weave noting the threads of blue interspersed with the grey. He chose this one because it looked best with his eyes, Raven approved of the ever so slightly wider lapels, not as modern as he could be but a step forward.

This is reality, this is all real. He starts coughing, feeling every shudder through his body.
balancingminds: (painted mansion)
There was only fog, he gasped and put his feet down hard to find/create solid ground. As he put his feet down, they slipped as the grass was covered in mist and rocks, he needed to find out where he was. He didn't trust the idea of creating a light as that hadn't been working and he didn't seem to have enough control.

Instead he reached out his hands and walked forward until his hands bumped stone, broken stone. Something went by overhead, he heard the noise of a plane and immediately tucked himself down to the ground, an air raid? If it was a raid, there should be a siren, loud and wailing, he'd never heard one himself, but he felt he knew them due to many minds. Was this the ruin of his home, these stone walls all that was left of Xavier mansion?

He kept his hands out and tried to stay along the walls, which are true ruins and heard something fall to the ground. Someone might be hurt and he stands up, if this is what's left of his home then he'll protect it. He starts forward until something with too many arms comes towards him from the fog, he knows that shape, "No, no, you're not allowed here. This is my home!"

It doesn't stop and he runs into the fog, he will fight.


In his room, he wakes up reaching into the darkness and shivers before turning on the light, then getting up and turning on all the lights. The fog can't come into his room, it can't.
balancingminds: (mind hurt)
He hasn't been looking forward to sleep but he knows his body needs it. The rituals that he thought he was past have returned though they don't seem to do as much good. Every night, he sit in his bed and builds a wall around his mind, the stones of his childhood have returned but there is now water and metal mixed in with them. He will take what strength he can from Iris and Erik's inspiration to make himself feel safer. Along with the wall, he chants, "No dreams but my own, not dreams but my own."

Sleep doesn't come easily but he knows how to quiet his mind enough to rest.

He's in a library, not in Oxford, but another one that he doesn't know. Someone's researching and there's the whir of a cassette, he tries to follow the sound but the stacks twist and turn around him. The shadows keep lengthening and there's the glance of a face as he hears through the quiet a recorded voice saying, "He tells me to do things, awful things."

Charles shivers at the voice, its so young and he can almost feel the pain and confusion. The recording continues but he can't hear what's said just a buzzing that's wrong.

Finally he finds a door and opens it out onto a lecture theater and someone saying his name and that its time. All the voices and emotions in the theater press towards him with excitement, disbelief and he leans against the door frame.

He can't do this now, he's not ready, he needs more space in his head. More voices ask for him, telling him, poking him as the emotions grow stronger and he tries to shut them out, take control. His shields won't seem to hold, they keep shifting away instead of holding steady as they're meant to. He yells out to the crowd, "Be quiet! I can't find myself!"


The yelling wakes him up as he coughs and shivers, he's broken out in a sweat and he touches the droplets on his forehead. He turns on the light and looks at the water on his fingertips, the physical sensations of being scared and cold, this is real. He doesn't attempt to sleep for the rest of the night, but turns on all the lights and drinks some tea as he reads journals about genetics.
balancingminds: (don't want to think)
His mother and Nanny were looking down at him and he could feel their concern pressing with its weight of worry. What had he done? What had he said that he wasn’t supposed to? He didn’t know what to ask as he couldn’t hear their words just feel them wondering and discussing him. Then Erik was there, tsking at him saying, “You feel too much, Charles. Its bad for you.”

He closed his eyes and tried to sink into his bed to make it all stop or wake up. Instead he was walking down a long hallway, it felt cold and he realized that the walls had a shine to them, so he tried to call up a flashlight. Where a light should have been electricity shot from his hand, arcing over the walls and he backed away, this wasn’t right, this wasn’t him. He tried to calm down, regain control and find his own mind as the electricity grew stronger and he saw figures coming towards him, men in suits. One seemed thinner than the rest and then he ran and ran until the hall changed from metal and the electricity faded and he stood in the small bedroom from Erik’s dream.

He sat down on the bed and breathed in this place Erik had felt safe here, had wanted him here. The room was still too dark, but there was a light on the bureau and he focused on it and willed himself awake.


His bed was solid and he’d gotten tangled up in his sheets during the dream, so he turned on his bedside lamp with a shiver. Something seemed to move in the shadows and he took deep breaths, this was reality, he was safe.
balancingminds: (worry)
In the darkness he can't find his way, nothing is solid and there's someone else in the shadows. He calls up light for the dark but only manages a candle that flickers as he realizes that the windows are blacked out. Is there an air raid? But they're safe at home. He shouldn't be afraid, he's safe, isn't he? There's fog and he walks after it and remembers that the war is over, then he's the age he should be. Nightmares and dreams can be controlled and he knows how to face them, he does.

The candle turns into a bright flashlight as he walks forward to the French doors, and he pushes them open onto the back garden. There's a bright moon in the sky full of promise, and pinpricks of stars, though fog swirls around his feet and he feels someone watching him. This is his dream, he shouldn't feel afraid to go into the trees that he's known since he was a little boy. He strides towards them, moving his flashlight through the fog though the light doesn't go that far.


There's a draft in his room and he wakes to pull his blankets closer around him as the fire flickers. The light of his bedside lamp is bright in the room, dispersing and creating shadows. This is real. He's awake.

Meditating

Aug. 24th, 2012 10:42 pm
balancingminds: (hand to focus)
Charles finds it hard to meditate at the Facility, part of this is due to how all the agents think. They remind him of students, but mainly its due to Erik.

That's why he's found a nice spot near the lake and is sitting on a rock and meditating. The inside of his head is quieter as he focuses on the here and now.

He has a thermos of tea and a packed lunch from Bar for when he's ready to take a break.
balancingminds: (new york cup of tea)
Somehow after the discussion with Erik, Charles managed to sleep though his dreams were complicated and vivid as he thought of Erik's touch.

He woke early and went to make himself a strong cup of coffee in the kitchen, his hair wet from the shower and his shirt not fully buttoned.

The past few days have been so full, he wonders what's to come next.
balancingminds: (quiet consideration)
Since first meeting with Moira, the days have gone by quickly with little time to think or discuss what's happening.

He knows going with Moira to meet with the CIA is the right choice as they know of other mutants but there's not much time to plan or decide which worries him. His presentation's clear in his head, which makes it easy to know what to say but nothing about how it will be received.

Going back to America feels like the best choice and everything in the apartment will be sent on to Westchester, there are simply too many variables.

As they move from flat to airport to plane to car, he's constantly looking over to Raven and hoping they'll have some time to truly talk about what this means.
balancingminds: (not laughing)
As the rain kept falling, they stayed in Charles' hideaway in the library.

Finally though hunger and a touch of stiffness made it seem wise to move on and Charles led Iris to one of his favorite pubs that's close to the river.

It's a place frequented not by scholars of his discipline but my scholars of the mind where he can pick up on new topics without having to worry about having to talk too much about his own work.

They get rained on a little bit and he's laughing as he pulls her into the pub and to a cozy booth near the fire.
balancingminds: (quiet consideration)
Charles is feeling nervous, he knows that Raven seems to be fine with Iris, but he's still nervous.

Oxford is his home for now and he wants to show it to Iris, but he's not certain what she'll think of it or how she'll look.

He was pacing until Bar told him to stop or else she'd tell Sallie and he sat down to sip some tea and wait for Iris.
balancingminds: (confused)
He woke in confusion as he relaxed his shields and couldn't figure out all the minds and where they all were in Milliways.

When he felt Iris beside him, he took a breath and watched her sleep as he took stock and found his balance once more.
balancingminds: (half face listening)
Charles arranged to meet Sallie at the counter as that way they can go someplace where she feels safe.

In preparation, he's made a quick list of his various psychic defenses and what they do and how he set them into place. They might not be helpful for her but they might provide a reference.

He truly hopes he can find a way to help as even with all these years with Raven, talking and experimenting with their mutations if he can be a teacher of something so personal. It feels like he can and he does know he's a good teacher, but this is still new.

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Charles Xavier

July 2017

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