balancingminds | (no subject)

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jason todd

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Charles has never seen Jay this hurting before and it scares him as he thinks of Erik and his pains. While Jay recovers from his workout, he sets out the chess board, adjusting the pieces before sitting down in his chair and picking up The Once and Future King.

Reading it always helps him to feel a little more hopeful about the world and gets lost in War's world where the story is simpler.

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"Yeah, I'm not so sure. Letting someone see my feelings is what got me into this mess." And he hates himself for that.

"But you can't live a numb life, that would destroy you in another way. Start small, talk to me and we'll find a way to get you to a better place. I believe in you, Jay,"

It might not be enough but its what he can offer.

Jay reaches out again and squeezes Charles' hand with a sigh. "Thanks. I'll... I'll try. I just... I don't know. I feel like I should head back. Maybe it's time to stop hiding here."

"You don't have to know, life doesn't work that way. You do what you can and you live. I'll always be here to help, Jay. And I know you can find a future for yourself,"

He squeezes Jay's hand and then moves to pour them both more wine.

He takes the sip of the wine, leaning back in his chair. "If I go back, I feel like I'm running from my problems here. If I stay, I feel like I'm hiding from my life there." He shakes his head. "Ichabod suggested I should find a city I like and settle, maybe set up a workshop or something." The thought is lovely but he's afraid his past would catch up with him anywhere he stopped.

"You're a man of action, Jay. That's why its complicated, but Milliways will find you. You're too much in your head, you need to get moving in some way again,"

It would be simpler if he knew the best solution but all he can do is listen and talk.

"Once a solider..." Jay trails off, shaking his head. "I need to get back into shape before I make plans anywhere."

"What does that mean for you? And that will be good, get you moving and thinking."

Jay sighs. "It means as much as I love the idea of settling down and doing nothing but building bikes, I couldn't. There will be things I couldn't ignore. Some small injustice or something and I'd end up getting myself noticed. Wouldn't be long before I'd have to move on again."

"Yeah, it'll help. I feel... clearer when I'm moving."

"Then you should move if it helps you, but I don't know how to fix everything in your world. I think that you do need to do more, you and Erik are that way. Motion helps you make sense of the world."

"How does he work it off?"

"For a while, he hunted Nazis in revenge for what they did to him and his family. Also his ability is far more physical than mine,"

He rests his hand against his head and shares a glimpse of Erik using his powers, from the submarine to the club with Angel.

"Wow..." Jay trails off, watching Erik's face distort with inner rage as he throws the heavy chains across the sub. "He's... I can see what you see in him." He can see how similar they are in many ways.

"Yes, he just needs a little more control than he'll be even more amazing. We bring out parts of each other,"

Raven does this too but its different with Erik, Erik fits.

"He uses his rage like a weapon. I know that feeling. It was the way I was taught. To turn it into control."

"And I tend to avoid my rage, its not something I want to be projecting into the world. That would end badly."

"You could burn someone's mind from the inside out." Jay muses. "But I hope you have your own safe ways to deal with it."

"Yes, I have my meditation and people I trust to talk to. I don't let what I can do out into the world without a great deal of control,"

He takes a long drink as he thinks of how Slenderman took that control from him.

"I'm glad you've got people." He says earnestly, wishing hie was less of a mess himself so he could be of help to Charles.

Charles shrugs, he's still rather private when it comes to all of his hurts,

"And you have them here and you help me too, Jay."

Jay shrugs wryly. "I'm not sure what help I am. Except as a distraction."

"And a friend, you open to me, few people do,"

After all what he does is frightening to many people.

Jay smiles and holds out his hand again. I trust you, Charles. More than anyone I know. His mind open and trusting. You're a good man. And a great friend. I'm glad to be of what help I can be.

You are a help to me and I want to do the same for you. I'll help you however I can.

Jay deserves happiness and to find his place.

"You are helping, Charles. More than you know. Just having someone I know I can trust, with anything. Even with the darkest parts of myself. That means the world to me."