If you can change a mind, you can change the world

"Erik was right. All your tries at being good ended up in pain," Raven walked just in front of him through the quad, skirting being on the grass. He couldn't seem to reach her to say something before she turned a corner and was gone.

"She's braver than you, Charles. Bold and daring," He could hear satisfaction in Erik's voice and he turned to spot him leaning against a wall in the library sipping at his scotch, "We're going to out play you and win."

The words were there, he could feel them, he could speak to Erik. A scream cut the air and the world was cold and white, his gloves felt like they were stuck to his hands.

He reached for consciousness through the morphine and woke sweating. He began to sit then he felt the pain and sank down, he had his shields. Near him, Art, who'd fought at Bastogne cried out and Charles took a breath before reaching out to soothe his nightmares through the wall.

He could do that, he could help, somehow.

****

As the morning light came through the window, Janet, his nurse came through the door and sighed, "Another bad night, Mr. Xavier?"

"Am I that obvious?" Her kind eyes cut him more than he cared to admit, he'd never been good at being cared for.

She helped him sit up, adjusting his pillows and he focused on the lists she ran through her head, what he needed, her shopping for later in the day including making a delicious Jamaican chicken dish with her family, "You think a lot and that keeps you up and you don't use enough morphine."

"I don't like how it makes me feel disconnected," It was harder to keep his shields where he wanted them and he felt lonelier. Janet lifted him into his chair for the uncomfortable process of going to the bathroom.

"That's a nice thought to keep connected but good to not be in pain too. There, that's all done and I've got your breakfast. I asked around and one of my neighbors is from St. Nevis and he had some of that tea you like. Now you can wake up with that English Breakfast you like so much without your friends having to sneak any into you. We wouldn't want any of those nice boys to get in trouble with the hospital. I keep expecting that boy Alex to bolt any time he comes near your room," The image of the neighbor and the smell of proper tea helped him relax as much as he could with all he couldn't feel and everything that was too much.

"Me too, that's why I remind him that he doesn't have to come as often," She set his tray in front of him with a fond smile.

"They care and I saw another visitor for you, Miss McTaggert on the list for today. So take your time with your breakfast and I'll find you a better mirror to get you looking your best for her," Janet looked him over, he liked how she saw him as someone who was nice and polite who didn't make her days too long. Then she turned and left to check on everyone else on the hall.

Breakfast was always hit or miss, but having actual proper tea made the bland porridge, odd eggs and today the spongy toast easier to enjoy. From what Moira had said at her prior visit, this was probably going to be the last time she saw him here as she had to return to the CIA where many questions waited for her. He knew that she would find ways to check in but it would be best if there was as much plausible deniability on her side. Enough people had been hurt by their well meaning attempts, she didn't need her career harmed any more.

****

When Moira arrived, his hair was combed and he was reading the day's papers and only wincing at some of the motions of turning the paper.

"Hello, Charles," Her voice was tight and as he folded the pages felt her worry for him and scenes of conference rooms.

"Good afternoon, Moira. Thank you for visiting me," He kept his voice calm, he didn't want to add anything more to her thought, "I've been thinking of how we might find a smooth ending for you. They already know some of what I can do, take advantage of that."

"I'm to tell them that you manipulated me? I don't know if they'd believe that of you," Her memory of his kindness to the hurt agents at the Facility's destruction and in Russia was in many reports. Those men wouldn't forget how he soothed the men that Erik took down.

"I trust your judgement. I'd rather not take anything from you unless you ask me to," That would be safer for all of them, but would betray the trust she placed in him.

"No, I know how to make them think you did and not ask anymore. Men can be very predictable," She smirked, thinking of how so many men including him underestimated her and few of them learned their lesson.

"Yes, we can," Moira sat down beside his bed and didn't speak for a time, reading the paper with him for almost an hour before standing up. It was quiet and comfortable, he had never done exactly this with either Raven or Erik. Raven had always been moving as he read the paper while Erik discussed what felt like almost every article with him.

As she turned to leave she thought at him; I'm sorry that they're gone, but I trust in what you can do.

He nodded and leaned back against his bed, he was tired and scared. This wasn't a place that he could stop, only rest and plan. He was needed.

After the shower, Charles feels relaxed in a way he hasn't in far too long, "We could just stay in here and be lazy. Clothes can wait."

Charles moves quickly getting them upstairs and opening the door to the room he has here.

Inside it looks like his room at home, dark colors, lots of books, a table with a chess sets and he laughs as he closes the door behind them.

Charles is quickly acquiring a headache from the worries and plans about Lecter. Since he might be of use, he's not going to leave but he's not spending the day inside.

Instead he's been walking, once around the lake, following a path or two in the forest but not too deep since it reminds him of Slenderman.

After a while, he ends up sitting by the garden watching the back door and trying to find a solid even keel before he goes back in and faces whatever new has happened.

Charles has never seen Jay this hurting before and it scares him as he thinks of Erik and his pains. While Jay recovers from his workout, he sets out the chess board, adjusting the pieces before sitting down in his chair and picking up The Once and Future King.

Reading it always helps him to feel a little more hopeful about the world and gets lost in War's world where the story is simpler.

Dear Agent Simmons,
I apologize for harming your cover in Milliways and scaring you. At the time, I let my emotions get the better of my intelligence. I was wrong and will do my best to avoid you in Milliways.
Sincerely,
Charles Xavier

When the spell was broken, Charles went up to his room to think. He had come back to Milliways to tell Iris what happened and then this.

Loneliness is a terrible thing, and I would not wish it on you. Jean had said that and in that one conversation seen inside him in a way few ever had.

He was lonely, that was why he clung so to Raven and wouldn't let Erik go; he needed them and they needed each other. Erik was even starting to open up. And in this week, he had lived once more that life of loneliness and fear where he worried that he would chase anyone who was nice to him away because he said the wrong thing. Only two had turned from him, Noriko who only saw a strange rich boy and Autor who was scared though he acted as if he wasn't. There had been kindness and understanding, he would find ways to bring some of the openness of Milliways into his world.

With a quick breath, he stood up and went to the sink to splash some water on his face. He couldn't dwell too much on this week until he told Iris about what had happened before. The only way to move forward with the past and the present was with honesty.

Iris, how could he explain to her what he had done? Just the memory of that kiss and how Erik had reached for him made his heart beat faster. He wanted that but by that wanting, he betrayed Iris who he had brought onto a different path. The Fates had said You ask complicated questions. Now he had many going through his mind and it wasn't his place to answer, now he must speak the truth and take what followed.

It had been a kiss but more than that, it was a beginning, because Erik balanced him. She saw within him and he couldn't lie to her and wouldn't ask anything of her. He had acted without thinking and now would pay the price for it.

Charles spent the afternoon talking with Bar to try and figure out the best and selection of food for this meeting.

The end result was a table in his room, a menu recreated from something the family cook used to make of a lamb roast, vegetables, good wine and Raven's favorite dessert.

He knows he's worrying too much but he wants this all to work, the future all depends on people getting along.

Its a beautiful day when he opens the door onto Central Park, there are ducks in the pond and he grins,

"I think we'll start with a picnic and then I'll show you my favorite places in the city."

Charles' tea is going cold as he stares into the fire, there's a certain peace he finds among the crowd at Milliways. Here he's never truly alone though he never hopes to be as deeply within some of the minds as he was in October.

As yet, he hasn't met many of the people who's dreams he found his way into just Sariel and there's more he wishes to say to her. Their last conversation was a beginning but she's a complex woman and he wants to proceed carefully.