(no subject)

[balancingminds]

Charles is tired and everyone at the Facility is feeling a bit too close. Cerebro is at the point where they can start finding and meeting other mutants which he should be celebrating but he's not ready yet.

Dealing with Javert in Milliways and wondering if everything will come together has left him tired of selling what he believes. He goes up to the roof to watch the sun go down, there's some space up here.

Comments

[balancingminds]

"No, I'll tell you. His name was Slenderman, apparently he's a tree god of some sort and a scary story in certain worlds. What keeps me sane and together is that I always know where I begin and others end. No matter how deep I go into another person's mind, I can always find my way back to what makes me. Somehow he took those shields and that certainty and poked holes in them until I felt I was coming apart at the seams,"

His eyes stay on Erik as he wants him to understand how he works, this isn't something he shares.

[markedformore]

Erik narrows his eyes as he tries to fathom precisely how that would work. It truly is terrifying, but the question on his mind is how. It makes him shiver and fear, given that it sounds all too like what the enemies of his youth wanted of his people. "And what does he do to people who aren't like you?"

[balancingminds]

"He manipulated people, our fear was his power. Some of us like me were going to be sacrificed to him somehow. He brought nightmares and other troubles but I wasn't aware of most of them,"

Charles takes a shaky breath as he remembers that house.

"I thought that I'd been put in an asylum."

[markedformore]

Erik imagines that an asylum might be a genuinely petrifying fear for Charles -- one that couldn't be shaken easily -- and he tips his head to the side to regard him. "You're not, though," he points out. "You're here. Safe. You were stronger than him."

[balancingminds]

"Not as much as I could have been. I lost my grip for a time and that's not something I can ever let happen again."

[markedformore]

"I'm rather shamed to think I wasn't there to help stop it," Erik remarks, feeling not as though he ought to be Charles' protector, but rather that he should do it because of their friendship and whatever more that Erik did feel. "That I didn't sense something was awry."

[balancingminds]

"I didn't have a door while it happened and was in Milliways. You didn't see me at my worst and you would have known. I've wanted to tell you about this but it was a strange time,"

He would have liked Erik's help at the time, but he knows that Erik cares which means rather more.

[markedformore]

"And yet, you've seen me at my worst whenever you choose to glimpse into my mind," Erik remarks in reply, arching his brow as he reminds Charles of this fact. "And now, I can mend it only by drinking? Is that all I can do?"

[balancingminds]

"That's not all you're doing,"

The can do is harder to answer, because no its far from all that he could do, but there's Iris. Iris who he forgets about when he's with Erik but knows he shouldn't. He wants more than he can ask for.

[markedformore]

Erik isn't sure where to take such a comment. He settles for giving a thoughtful hum and studies Charles as though he's the one who has learned to read minds. "In your imagination, yes, perhaps I do more."

[balancingminds]

His gaze is on his drink which he turns in his hands as there are worry lines as he frowns. Erik's phrase makes him smile though its bitter,

"Yes but that's another sort of intimacy that I can't ask for. You listen and argue and understand."

He looks partly up at Erik, he loves Iris but Erik constantly changes everything whenever they're together.

[markedformore]

"The only person who says you can't ask for it is yourself," Erik points out, feeling as though he doesn't like to be accused of restricting Charles from doing anything. "I'm not the one who says you can't."

[balancingminds]

"No, I didn't say you were, but since I recently went to the Trojan War to find Iris. I don't feel like I can. That doesn't stop me thinking about you and wondering but I feel that its not fair to ask."

[markedformore]

Erik scoffs and shakes his head. The rest of the drink is gone quickly and he leans forward, feeling the bite of impulse on his tongue. "You're the only one holding back, Charles," he informs him heatedly. "You're the only one with barriers."

[balancingminds]

Its easy to match Erik's lean though then he ends up in a place that feels vulnerable but he doesn't mind it, not at all,

"Yes, they are a part of how I work. Would you like to come into my head? You're always welcome there."

[markedformore]

"No, Charles," Erik replies calmly, hands folded in his lap as he sets aside his drink. "Why would I encourage myself to run into a wall made up of a woman? You might not think it, but she dominates your mind and your thoughts. I may be welcome, but not where I want to be."

[balancingminds]

"Why can't you both dominate or share my life, since you do?"

[markedformore]

"I don't share, Charles," Erik says with heavy disdain. "And I'm sure she doesn't, either. And you won't do it, either, no matter how much you want to believe you can."

[balancingminds]

He sighs and hates this before closing that gap and kissing Erik. Its messy and hard but he wants that, no matter what happens he did that. Then pulls away, not far but the shift is there.

He does want more than he should be allowed but he knows that emotions are complicated and Erik understands parts of him Iris doesn't.

[markedformore]

It's contrary to everything Erik had been expecting, but then, he's not the one who can read minds. His shock gives way to a moment of profound fear; old habits and pink triangles that linger in his mind before he grabs Charles by that hair of his and pulls him back for a possessive kiss that doesn't dally with anything but an insistent demand.

[balancingminds]

He can feel the possessiveness, it goes deeper than Erik's hand and his lips and Charles gasps then answers the kiss. It might fall apart in a moment but he can feel Erik and god, he feels good.

[markedformore]

Erik pulls away by force when the realisation strikes that he has no idea what Charles' motive behind this is. He gives him a sharp glare and though he's enjoying this immensely, he wants answers. "What was that?" he demands.

[balancingminds]

"Me without barriers. That's what I want and can't have,"

He did do his best to hold down on his emotions but a part of him just wants more.

[markedformore]

Erik rubs his lower lip with his thumb in a consistent stroke, not stopping as he considers Charles. "Yes, but I like that," Erik points out, voice dropped and pedantic. "It's you who doesn't. It's you who has a girlfriend."

[balancingminds]

"I know and at the moment I wished I didn't, but then you could probably tell that. I need to figure this out, because this is what I do, I talk, I compromise,"

He wants more kisses and more, but he can't, shouldn't have them.