balancingminds: (with chess and a drink)
Charles Xavier ([personal profile] balancingminds) wrote2014-05-28 02:20 am
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Charles has never seen Jay this hurting before and it scares him as he thinks of Erik and his pains. While Jay recovers from his workout, he sets out the chess board, adjusting the pieces before sitting down in his chair and picking up The Once and Future King.

Reading it always helps him to feel a little more hopeful about the world and gets lost in War's world where the story is simpler.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
"People like me, and Erik by the sound of it, we push because it's the only way to make a space for ourselves. The world has to be forced to accommodate us or there's no place for us."

He makes the next move slowly, thinking ahead for once. "You push to make a better place for other people."
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 04:30 am (UTC)(link)
"Oh course. There has to be room for you to stand too. Otherwise how can you stand up for the one who can't push for themselves." Jay smiles, going on the offensive across the board.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
Jay growls, never one to be backed into a corner without a fight. He goes on the attack, aim a charge at Charles' queen.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 05:02 am (UTC)(link)
It's a playful growl but a determined one. His reckless moves have screwed his defence but he drives the attack forward, managing to check Charles back but not in a position he can protect his flank. "Yeah, I'm toast."
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 05:16 am (UTC)(link)
"You're still kicking my ass." Jay leans back in his chair, reaching for a pasties.

"I feel better. Thank you. I still... I'm still not sure what I'm going to do but, I don't know. I don't feel quite so raw."
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 05:33 am (UTC)(link)
He frowns and reaches out for Charles' hand. steadying himself. "I'll try. But... not yet. I don't think I could... manage anything without making it worse right now."
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 05:51 am (UTC)(link)
"It's sound advice and I can't trust my own judgement right now." He closes his eyes and tangles his fingers against Charles; wishing, not for the first time, Charles was free to love.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 06:00 am (UTC)(link)
"Sorry. I should have screened that." Jay squeezes his hand and lets go, resetting the board. "It's my thought to bear."
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 06:11 am (UTC)(link)
"Nor would I want you to." Jay doesn't quite meet his eye. "You and Erik are happy and I'm glad for that. Gladder than you know. I wouldn't do anything to disrupt that, it's not who I am. But under different circumstances I would love you." It's the truth, honest and sad.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 06:28 am (UTC)(link)
"Thank you. Maybe one day." He doesn't believe it, not really.

He plays again, making sure to actually eat some of the food he bought. This time he's more careful, ruthless but considered.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
Jay laughs softly, disbelievingly. "I doubt that."

Jay keeps his eyes on the board, determined to make a better show of it this time. He plays more technically but with none of his usual flair.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
Jay shrugs and focuses on the game, trying not to think about his own unhappiness.

The aggressive moves surprise him but he runs with them, playing more defensively this time. It doesn't help him much. He's still losing.
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[personal profile] runningred 2014-05-29 07:06 am (UTC)(link)
Jay considers his answer as he takes another of Charles' pieces. He closes his eyes a moment and opens his mind. Truly happy was sitting under the stars with Ali, the warm sand against their skin as they looked up at the sky. The problem is the sister to that memory - Ali's beautiful eyes empty and cold as he bled out in Jay's arms. He fights to separate the two but can't. Not as low as he is right now.

"I'm sorry." He scrubs at his eyes angrily.

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