balancingminds: (with chess and a drink)
[personal profile] balancingminds
Charles has never seen Jay this hurting before and it scares him as he thinks of Erik and his pains. While Jay recovers from his workout, he sets out the chess board, adjusting the pieces before sitting down in his chair and picking up The Once and Future King.

Reading it always helps him to feel a little more hopeful about the world and gets lost in War's world where the story is simpler.

Date: 2014-05-29 06:11 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Nor would I want you to." Jay doesn't quite meet his eye. "You and Erik are happy and I'm glad for that. Gladder than you know. I wouldn't do anything to disrupt that, it's not who I am. But under different circumstances I would love you." It's the truth, honest and sad.

Date: 2014-05-29 06:28 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Thank you. Maybe one day." He doesn't believe it, not really.

He plays again, making sure to actually eat some of the food he bought. This time he's more careful, ruthless but considered.

Date: 2014-05-29 06:39 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay laughs softly, disbelievingly. "I doubt that."

Jay keeps his eyes on the board, determined to make a better show of it this time. He plays more technically but with none of his usual flair.

Date: 2014-05-29 06:49 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay shrugs and focuses on the game, trying not to think about his own unhappiness.

The aggressive moves surprise him but he runs with them, playing more defensively this time. It doesn't help him much. He's still losing.

Date: 2014-05-29 07:06 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay considers his answer as he takes another of Charles' pieces. He closes his eyes a moment and opens his mind. Truly happy was sitting under the stars with Ali, the warm sand against their skin as they looked up at the sky. The problem is the sister to that memory - Ali's beautiful eyes empty and cold as he bled out in Jay's arms. He fights to separate the two but can't. Not as low as he is right now.

"I'm sorry." He scrubs at his eyes angrily.

Date: 2014-05-29 07:18 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"There are times I could do with feeling a great deal less." But even that's a lie. The numbness is worse. Being with Eric, the danger in that is some times the only way to make himself feel.

Date: 2014-05-30 03:35 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Yeah, I'm not so sure. Letting someone see my feelings is what got me into this mess." And he hates himself for that.

Date: 2014-05-30 03:53 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay reaches out again and squeezes Charles' hand with a sigh. "Thanks. I'll... I'll try. I just... I don't know. I feel like I should head back. Maybe it's time to stop hiding here."

Date: 2014-05-30 04:28 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
He takes the sip of the wine, leaning back in his chair. "If I go back, I feel like I'm running from my problems here. If I stay, I feel like I'm hiding from my life there." He shakes his head. "Ichabod suggested I should find a city I like and settle, maybe set up a workshop or something." The thought is lovely but he's afraid his past would catch up with him anywhere he stopped.

Date: 2014-05-30 04:53 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"Once a solider..." Jay trails off, shaking his head. "I need to get back into shape before I make plans anywhere."

Date: 2014-05-30 05:08 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
Jay sighs. "It means as much as I love the idea of settling down and doing nothing but building bikes, I couldn't. There will be things I couldn't ignore. Some small injustice or something and I'd end up getting myself noticed. Wouldn't be long before I'd have to move on again."

"Yeah, it'll help. I feel... clearer when I'm moving."

Date: 2014-05-30 05:14 am (UTC)
runningred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] runningred
"How does he work it off?"

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balancingminds: (Default)
Charles Xavier

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