Lesson with Alanna

[balancingminds]

Charles isn't quite certain of what to expect from his lesson with Alan as their last meeting was complicated.

Sallie and Tyler both had good senses of what they knew and what they were hoping to get while Alan seemed more fearful and uncertain along with armed and angry.

The note wasn't too specific about time, so he has a mug of tea and a one of his scientific journals to read.

Comments

[balancingminds]

"Nothing except keep your mind open," This will be slightly trickier but he's fairly certain he can manage it. He rests one of his hands on his forehead and closes his eyes.

Then he pictures the walls of his mind as a model that Alanna can perceive in her mind.

The general shape, layers of concentric circles resembles a castle but the walls themselves are far more complex than any stone. The outer layers are constantly shifting as he adjusts to what's around him but farther in, they are more solid with a hint of wallness to them.

[the_lioness]

It helps that his base image is something with which she is familiar. Her own mental blacks are walls, to her mind, and it's not difficult to extend that idea to an entire castle, to a maze, to a shifting yet stable combination of both.

She winces a little at the contact. It holds for about thirty seconds before she can't take it any longer and withdraws.

"I think I saw," she rasps out, a sudden headache taking hold.

[balancingminds]

He breaks the contact and opens his eyes before leaning against a column.

That was a little more tiring than he expected, "Is that helpful?"

[the_lioness]

"It will be."

Alanna leans back against the wall.

"Does it make you tired? That, and... keeping it up all the time?"

[balancingminds]

"Keeping my shields up doesn't because I've been doing them for so long. When I was first using them that was tiring. I don't do that kind of projection often so its tiring,"

Though it seemed like it was useful as well, he'll have to remember that.

[the_lioness]

Alanna nods, then explains, "I get very tired when I use too much of my Gift. It's..." she casts around for the right words "part of me."

A deep breath.

"Let me try to keep you out now."

[balancingminds]

"I know what you mean,"

He looks at her and then keeping his hand on his head starts to try and explore her mind. The way he's doing it, he's actually avoiding her secret but instead looking for memories of her childhood.

[the_lioness]

The only outward sign that Alanna has focused all her energy -- mental and Gifted -- on constructing a more elaborate defense against Charles is a blankness that settles over her features. It's deliberate. Roger thinks less of her when she seems a bit dim.

Wall upon wall upon wall, and almost without conscious effort her mental 'fortress' begins to take on aspects of The Black City.

If he gets anything, it will be most likely be flashes of Thom and the deep love she has for her twin; Lord Alan's scowl from behind a pile of books; or Coram teaching her to fight.

[balancingminds]

"Good, you're blocking much of me, but I'm still getting through. Can you feel me?"

His searching is careful, but determined, he wants her to keep him out.

[the_lioness]

Yes.


Hearing her own pulse pounding in her ears, feeling her breaths quicken, Alanna starts to lose control and suddenly shouts, throwing her arms up and squeezing her eyes shut, her face furiously red.

Her breathing still seems loud as she stomps off to stare out a window.




"I don't like that," she grits out through her teeth.

[balancingminds]

As soon as she starts to panic, Charles pulls out of her mind and watches her,

"I know, but you need to know what you can stop. You're doing incredibly well."

[the_lioness]

For all she hates having him in her mind, she likes that he doesn't push her. Alanna nods and slowly turns to face him.

"Again."

It's easier this time to pull everything into place. What she doesn't expect is to think about the Ordeal.

The big, black door to the Chamber.

That thick, impenetrable door.

It's helpful, even as the mere thought of the Ordeal lets fear slip in aside her determination.

[balancingminds]

Her fear is unexpected especially as it doesn't seem to be for him and he keeps his mental touch light as he asks,

"Where does that door lead?"

[the_lioness]

"The Chamber of the Ordeal," she murmurs, almost as if she is in a trance. "I'll enter it when I'm eighteen. Either I'll win my shield or die trying."

Or worse.

Jon still has nightmares, and he succeeded.

[balancingminds]

"I see, thank you. So you still have three years before you'll face it? Don't let that worry take over your thoughts. Anxiety can sneak up on you and make you vulnerable,"

It's something Charles works around as he's constantly around students who are worrying.

[the_lioness]

"Three years."

She is both dreading the day and wishing it was already over.

"I know," she almost snaps. Then, more softly, "It's always on my mind these days."

[balancingminds]

"Why? What's keeping it so present for you?"

As maybe if he can help her with that reason, other things will come a little easier.

[the_lioness]

"Most of my friends had their Ordeals recently."


It isn't something you forget, even if all you see is the outside of the door.

[balancingminds]

"That makes sense. Did most of them make it through?"

[the_lioness]

"They did."

Alanna doesn't know what she would have done had any of her friends failed.

"But not without scars."

[balancingminds]

"Scars are a sign of making it through,"

Most of his scars are inside, reminders of minds he's come across and things he's had to learn to keep himself from.

[the_lioness]

In the future, Alanna will have many scars. As of yet there are few.

"Not all are physical," she notes, voice heavy with dread. "They have nightmares."

[balancingminds]

"They tend to follow after something hard. I grew up during a war and sometimes still have nightmares about being attacked,"

Though he also ends up in other people's nightmares and those frighten him far more than any of his dreams.

[the_lioness]

"A war?" It's quiet, delivered with added respect. "What happened?"

[balancingminds]

"Most of it happened in Europe, which is across the ocean from my home but everyone knew someone fighting. It started with politics and it didn't end until too many people died. Its called the second world war. I was still a boy during most of it and everyone was afraid,"

At that age he didn't understand all of what caused the war but he felt the fear of those around him.