(no subject)

[balancingminds]

Charles' room reflects the home where he grew up in Westchester, dark woods and colors, a fireplace and a chess board surrounded by two comfortable chairs.

As they enter, he goes to pour a drink for himself and Jay before sitting down by the board, "Black or white?"

Comments

[balancingminds]

I am. "Who taught you to play?"

He leans down to watch Jay's move with a smile.

[runningred]

Don't say you won't warned. He shares a brief but intense moment from last night: on his knees, his head on Eric's thigh, tight black leather over muscle against his cheek as the vampire kisses the skin of his inner wrist with the promise of both pleasure and pain.

"My grandfather Alfred." It's weird to think of Eric and Alfred in the same conversation but he manages it. "I say grandfather but he was the manservant to my mentor but the closest thing I've had to family."

[balancingminds]

He blinks at the image, a touch of red on his cheeks,

"My Nanny was like that, always there even when Mum wasn't."

[runningred]

Sorry, it was exactly that kind of night. The fact there was an entire bar full of people watching at that point shouldn't have made it even more of a turn on.

"Alfred raised Bruce after his parents died, I think knowing Bruce would never settle down and have a normal life. I think that's part of why he was so protective of us, the adopted sons."

[balancingminds]

A bar full of people watching? And this was the vampire bar not more?

In public, he's kissed women but men, no, its not safe and he hasn't ventured to places it might be. His reputation in Oxford was too important for such a risk,

"How many adopted sons were there?"

[runningred]

Like you said, a place that panders to expectations. He shows Charles a room full of sad and desperate people, all longing to be made special by the attention of the vampires. There were things going on that night, political uses between the vamps that could easily have scared away the punters. I suspect I made a rather spectacular distraction to keep the crowd happy and hoping.

"One before me and if the rumours I've heard are true, two after. Though rarely at the same time."

[balancingminds]

You should be more than just someone's distraction.

"How odd. Why?" Children grow up together, and having many foster sons would make it logical for them to be brotherly.

[runningred]

Jay shrugs. It was a game. Something that only worked because Eric and I know and to a degree, trust each other. I trusted me to follow his lead and play out the scene and he was more than grateful once we were somewhere private.

Again, he shrugs. "Bruce's adopted sons were only that in public. In private, we were his sidekicks in the field, his partners in the mission. I only got picked up because Dick got sick of being in his shadow and moved on."

[balancingminds]

Okay, but it still seems like it can go badly quickly.

"I'm sure it must have been more than that. You're more than just anyone's replacement,"

Though if he was treated that way then that's wrong.

[runningred]

Part of what makes it fun, I guess. There's a thrill in knowing everything could shift in a second and being ready for that too.

Jay laughs bitterly, concentrating on the board for a moment. "You're preaching to the choir here. I can understand taking Dickie in. They both lost their parents in front of their eyes. I can see why B thought he could help but honestly - the man's an emotional retard. He could handle Dick as a partner and sidekick but he didn't know how to deal when Dick grew up. Dickie a passionate soul who needs people. He couldn't stay locked down in the cave forever."

"By then B was use to having someone with him. And I was a violent, dangerous little snot who filled Dick's shoes a little too easy."

He sighs and takes a sip of his drink. "I won't have cared if he's replaced me 'cause I moved on but I got killed. And he went an picked another kid to throw out into the firing line." His expression grows dark. "And if what I hear is right, the newest one is actually his blood." And Talia's. He's not sure which scares him more.

[balancingminds]

"And now who are you, Jay? Without B and without your Eric? Who are you?"

It worries Charles how much Jason defines himself by others.

[runningred]

Jay shakes his head. “Eric isn’t part of who I am. I’m not that fucked up. He’s fun and he gives me an outlet for a side of myself that I don’t get to explore much but he doesn’t define me. I enjoy the things I can do with him. I won’t lie there but it’s a want not a need.”

“As for B... I don’t know. It was easier with Talia – I had a debt and I was paying it but now that that’s over with...”

“I can’t go back to being who I was with B. That part of my past died a messy death and the bridges are burnt long ago. Besides, the things I did for Talia would be unforgivable to him just as letting another kid out in the field while the monster who killed me is still out there is unforgivable to me.”

He runs his hands through his hair, pushing it back from his face and he stands and paces the room. “Shit Charles. I don’t know. I wish I could stay the mechanic forever but that’s just running away.”

[balancingminds]

"Maybe not, being a mechanic, being someone who fixes and creates, that makes you happy. That's important, Jay and something to build off of. The choices aren't always running away and running into a fight. You just need to find your middle ground."

[runningred]

“I can’t stay here, Charles. I would. Gladly. But... there are still things I need to do back home.” The monster who killed me is still alive and free. That can’t stand. B won’t avenge me. I have to do it myself.

{ooc: sorry!}

[balancingminds]

"I wasn't suggesting that. I want you to find a way forward that's healthy for you,"

He doesn't want Jay to die in the cause of revenge.

[runningred]

Jay's laugh is brittle and slightly pained. "Charles. I don't know what healthy is!"

[balancingminds]

"You will, I promise,"

It won't be easy but he's not going to let Jay destroy himself.

[runningred]

"How?" It comes out somewhere between disbelief and pleading.

[balancingminds]

"We'll figure it out and its going to be what's healthy for you not for anyone else. That's the part that counts, doing best for you without wondering as much about other people."

[runningred]

Jay leans against the wall near the fireplace, letting the warmth sink in. He feels like he's coming apart at the seams right now. He'd pull Charles into a hug, just for the warmth of touching someone right now if he wasn't so worried he'd end up kissing him.

[balancingminds]

Charles stands up and leans against him, hugging him,

"You're not alone and you are someone worth healing. Trust me. I can see all of you."

[runningred]

Jay clings to the hug, holding Charles tight against him for a very long moment. The contact helps. Quiet a bit. He really wants to kiss Charles, to lose himself in passion to escape his own thoughts but he won't, mustn't.

"I'm sorry." This isn't a side of him he likes anyone to see.

[balancingminds]

"Don't be. Its okay to hurt, that's how you heal."

[runningred]

He rests his head on Charles' shoulder, forcing himself to calm down. It takes a moment to force down the sense of panic and vulnerability. "Thank you. I'm not... I'm not very good at this sort of thing."

[balancingminds]

Charles projects calmness as he moves his hand up and down Jay's arm and back,

"Shh, you're doing fine. I'm not judging you, Jay. I only wish to help."