(no subject)

[balancingminds]

Charles has never seen Jay this hurting before and it scares him as he thinks of Erik and his pains. While Jay recovers from his workout, he sets out the chess board, adjusting the pieces before sitting down in his chair and picking up The Once and Future King.

Reading it always helps him to feel a little more hopeful about the world and gets lost in War's world where the story is simpler.

Comments

[balancingminds]

Charles doesn't talk focusing on the game until Jay needs him. Balance is important but its never simple to find as the world is constantly changing.

[runningred]

Jay chuckles as Charles took his rook. "You're still far better at this than me. How Erik with chess?" He likes hearing about Charles and Erik. Their affection was a warm light to him, even if he envied it greatly.

[balancingminds]

"Good, he challenges me, but then that's who he is,"

That's part of why he's drawn to Erik, he draws more out of him.

[runningred]

"No wonder you're so good." Jay makes a quick and bold move, a little more like his old self. "Playing against him has to be giving your game an edge."

Does he challenge you other ways? I don't mean to pry, I'm just curious.

[balancingminds]

Charles smiles as he thinks of all the ways that he and Erik push and pull,

"Oh yes, nothing is simple or easy with him, but we fit."

[runningred]

The smile warms him. It's good to see Charles happy, he deserves it. "I really hope I get to meet him one day. Even if I have a feeling we'd grate on each other."

[balancingminds]

"I can imagine there would be sparks, you're rather alike in that you push back against the world. I do but at a different level than you do."

[runningred]

"People like me, and Erik by the sound of it, we push because it's the only way to make a space for ourselves. The world has to be forced to accommodate us or there's no place for us."

He makes the next move slowly, thinking ahead for once. "You push to make a better place for other people."

[balancingminds]

"And myself, I'm not that completely selfless. I do push but differently, more from inside than outside, at least as much as I can,"

Its a good move and Charles frowns as he considers before doing a more daring choice for him.

[runningred]

"Oh course. There has to be room for you to stand too. Otherwise how can you stand up for the one who can't push for themselves." Jay smiles, going on the offensive across the board.

[balancingminds]

"Yes, exactly,"

He smiles as he likes seeing Jay get more into the game and counters with his own offensive, pushing Jay into a dangerous spot.

[runningred]

Jay growls, never one to be backed into a corner without a fight. He goes on the attack, aim a charge at Charles' queen.

[balancingminds]

The growl is unexpected and Charles raises an eyebrow before using Jay's attack to put him into check.

[runningred]

It's a playful growl but a determined one. His reckless moves have screwed his defence but he drives the attack forward, managing to check Charles back but not in a position he can protect his flank. "Yeah, I'm toast."

[balancingminds]

Its still unexpected and Charles puts him into checkmate in three moves,

"You played well and seem to be doing better."

[runningred]

"You're still kicking my ass." Jay leans back in his chair, reaching for a pasties.

"I feel better. Thank you. I still... I'm still not sure what I'm going to do but, I don't know. I don't feel quite so raw."

[balancingminds]

"You don't have to do anything just yet. We'll have another game and I think whatever you do, you need to be honest with her. She might not hear you, but you have to make clear that what you're going through isn't the same as her experience. And that its hurting you how she's approached this. It will be painful but I don't know if there's a good solution."

[runningred]

He frowns and reaches out for Charles' hand. steadying himself. "I'll try. But... not yet. I don't think I could... manage anything without making it worse right now."

[balancingminds]

"No, not yet, but at some point. That wasn't an order, Jay. I was thinking of what might work,"

He takes Jay's hand and squeezes it.

[runningred]

"It's sound advice and I can't trust my own judgement right now." He closes his eyes and tangles his fingers against Charles; wishing, not for the first time, Charles was free to love.

[balancingminds]

Its a thought he hates to hear, because he wants to help Jay but he's not free. So he holds his hand with a sigh.

[runningred]

"Sorry. I should have screened that." Jay squeezes his hand and lets go, resetting the board. "It's my thought to bear."

[balancingminds]

"I don't want you to have to bear anything but can't change where I'm at."

[runningred]

"Nor would I want you to." Jay doesn't quite meet his eye. "You and Erik are happy and I'm glad for that. Gladder than you know. I wouldn't do anything to disrupt that, it's not who I am. But under different circumstances I would love you." It's the truth, honest and sad.

[balancingminds]

He looks down at his drink,

"Thank you and I want you to find someone that you care for, you deserve happiness, Jay."